The Hobbit: Extended Edition
by Gregreturns
Summary: Wendy comes to the decision to ignore Kanye West and spit on defeat. She must do whatever necessary to end all this madness with Photoshop at South Park Elementary, with the help of Stan, who happened to show up at a good time.
1. Chapter 1

**The Hobbit: Extended Edition**

**This is my own extended ending to the most recent episode "The Hobbit". It's not too long, but I hope you like it! **

_Chapter 1_

8.00am. Stan was still asleep, wearing headphones, with Blind Melon's _No Rain_ blaring out. Suddenly his alarm clock went off, waking him up. It was loud enough for him to hear over the music anyway. He reached his hand out of bed, switched it off and pressed stop on his iPod.

After getting dressed and having a bite to eat, he thought to himself "I think I'll take a walk by Stark's Pond, get some fresh air".

"Be careful, Stan!" His mother called. He left the house and began walking across the hill to his destination.

He was still thinking about the day before at school. "Gee, I sure hope Wendy's OK" he wondered. "I heard she broke down when she left the other day. She's been given a lot of grief over this stupid photoshop craze. And Kanye West's such a douche, he needs to mind his own business and keep his ego to himself".

When he reached the pond, he saw a sight that made his stomach drop. There, right in the middle of the pond, was a purple beret he recognised floating on the surface. It only took him a split second to realise what was happening.

"SHIT." He exclaimed.

Stan threw off his coat and took a running jump and dived in with hopes of rescuing his girlfriend.

He swam down through the murky reeds and there she was, her leg caught by one of the aforementioned reeds. Her eyes widened as she was surprised he showed up.

Without wasting any time, he untangled Wendy's foot from the aquatic plant. Using a sharp stone to cut through the reeds around her leg, the two then swam up and shot to the surface of the icy water, gasping for air.

Wendy tried to swim but was weak, so Stan helped carry her to shore. He lay her down on a bank and yelled "WENDY, WHAT THE FUCK?! If I hadn't shown up, you'd have DIED!" His voice was full of shock and he was getting a little teary eyed. "Don't ever do this to me again!"

"I...I'm sorry, Stan" she trembled. "That was a close call dude", she smiled a little.

"C'mon," hurried Stan, "let's get you home and wrapped up, then you can tell me what the hell's going on." He picked her up in his arms and began to run back to his house.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

Several hours later, Wendy awakened in Stan's bed from passing out earlier. She was wearing Stan's pyjamas and wrapped in several layers of blankets. Her head felt a little light, but she slowly managed to regain consciousness. Stan and Kyle were both present, Stan being sat on the bed with Wendy.

"Oh, Wendy, thank goodness, you're awake!" Stan said, hugging his girlfriend.

"Wendy, you alright?" Asked Kyle. "Stan told me you nearly drowned this morning! What's gotten into you?"

"Wow..." Wendy finally spoke. "I thought no one would care"

"Don't be stupid, we care a lot!" spoke Kyle, surprised at what Wendy just said. "Our school wouldn't be the same without you! Someone needs to keep the douchebags in check! You're smart, you're talented, you're cute *ahem, sorry Stan*, I love your sense of humour, of course we care, you out of your mind, girl?"

Wendy thought for a minute. Then she realised she wasn't thinking straight earlier.

"Guys, I...don't know what to say. What was I doing earlier? Drowning myself, I know, it's insane...I'd just had enough of the general ignorance and sheer idiocy shown by everyone when Lisa arrived, and everyone, even that no talent moron Kanye, getting on my case. And Cartman, don't even get me started on that fat, agonising prick. If he ever goes back to fat camp, I ought to sit and watch and boo him during exercise time. Jelly. Jelly. What a dumb word, I swear if I heard one more brainwashed head-case call me that one more time, I was going to snap".

Wendy looked upset.

"Hey, it's ok, Wendy. I know how you feel", reassured Stan, placing his hand on her head.

"I'm really sorry" Wendy responded. "Thank you for saving my life, Stan".

"Hey - I just got an idea." Kyle said. "Maybe we can undo everyone at the school's thoughts with reverse psychology. If they believe a photoshopped image is superior to the original, perhaps it can also be...inferior?"

Stan and Wendy smiled at the thought of this. "Kyle, that's a great idea!" responded Stan. "What if we did Cartman, made him look even worse than what he already is?"

"The pleasure is all mine" spoke Wendy. "I'd love to give that fat bastard the most humiliating facelift possible".

"Kyle, whatever we do, make sure you tell NO ONE that we were responsible." Stan told Kyle.

"You have my word" pledged Kyle. "Man, I can't wait to see this" he thought.

That evening, Mr and Mrs Testaburger picked their daughter up and thanked Stan for being not just a boyfriend, but a true friend. The following day (Sunday), Stan and Wendy managed to sneak into the school while it was closed. They didn't have to worry about getting caught. This wasn't England, there were barely any CCTV cameras. And the school could barely afford any anyway. Mr Garrison spend a lot of the school's money on hideous sex toys for him and Mr Slave to do unspeakable things with, mostly rectally.

They snuck into the computer room, where they knew they were due to have class the following day, and logged on.

"OK," Wendy said. "First, let's get my pictures off the network."

Stan watched in amazement, her hacking skills almost matched Kyle's.

They then fired up Photoshop.

"OK, done," she continued. "Now let's get some pictures of Cartman from the school folders on the network - oh, here's a good one. The things I could do with this."

Stan was sat next to her smiling. "What shall we give him?" he asked her. "Shall we make him look like Susan Boyle and give him a nose like an anteater?"

Wendy giggled at the prospect of this. "Yeah, that's totally going in!"

"Oh, what next?" Stan questioned with excitement. "Who else do we not like, Kanye?"

"Yeah, Kayne, definitely" Wendy tapped and clicked away.

The two laughed and joked and got grossed out together whilst committing themselves to this hideous workmanship of modern art. If anything would get the students and teachers to snap out of raining down information about physical perfection on Wendy, this would do the trick.

They'd never think it was her that did all this either. Not after she got in to the school servers and played around with the last accessed user to the computer they were on, and switched it to some anonymous address in Arkansas. Maybe some random 80 year old hick would get the blame.

The girlfriend and boyfriend left the school chuckling away at the prospect of the next day's reactions. It was finally payback time.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

Needless to say, the combined efforts of Stan and Wendy's grim-yet-hilarious photoshop masterpiece certainly weren't just pushed to one side. When the students logged in for computer class the following day, they were greeted by the work of art as the desktop background for ALL of them. Well, word had to be spread didn't it? Something like this just had to be publicly acknowledged.

There it was. Mr Mackey's jaw literally dropped to the size of a double decker bus. The whole room was absorbed in terror. Except our favourite duo of course. Kyle started chuckling a little, he couldn't resist. He knew this was coming.

In the image that they saw, was Eric Cartman photoshopped so he was dressed in Kim Kardashian's skanky, slutty clothes, his face was altered to look like Kanye West's except buck toothed and uglier, his body was a grotesquely overweight nude Susan Boyle's, his nose resembled an anteater's. In the photo, he was also wearing all sorts of hideous bling that swag kids would wear and he sported a snapback that even the vocalist from the world's shittiest Nu-Metal band would have thrown in the trash.

It was presented as a demotivational image. Below it read:

**MODERN SOCIETY**

** Not even Bob the Builder can fix this shit.**

"That's one ugly motherfucker..." muffled an astonished looking Kenny.

Kyle thumped his desk with laughter.

"AHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The other students then burst out laughing, because let's be honest, who wouldn't?

Cartman wasn't so pleased by it all. "What the fuck is this..." He mumbled quietly, his face filled with comical irritation. You probably know the kind of face I mean.

"This is gold! Wonder who did this?" chortled Token.

"Oh I bet I can guess!" laughed Craig.

Butters, sat next to Cartman, nudged him and chuckled "he-he, c'mon Eric, that is pretty funny".

"You know what else is funny, Butters?" seethed Cartman.

"Haha, What, Eric?"

"Your appearance when I rip off your head and take a steaming shit down your neck" Cartman growled, beginning to shudder.

Butters wasn't too enthusiastic about that. "Oh, hamburgers. Well, can you at least not do it too hard?"

"Mmkay, children, I'm just gonna take a step outside and see the Principal about this, M'kay." said a confused and baffled Mr Mackey, hurrying out and closing the door behind him.

Cartman then opened his mouth and let loose.

"URAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" It went on for 5 minutes straight, during that time the laughter died down and the class just stared at him having a nervous breakdown. He stopped occasionally for a breath, but then continued.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

Eventually, Butters got sick of the annoying noise and sucker punched Cartman to the face, knocking him out cold.

"That's better" said Kyle.

Mr Mackey and Principal Victoria were arguing in the office.

"It HAD to be one of the students, I mean, who else could have done it, M'kay!?" blurted Mr Mackey.

"There's absolutely no trace on the school computer system of the source!" Yelled Principal Victoria. "Whoever did it must have been a damn good hacker!"

"Oh, really. A hacker in the school" continued Mackey. "Well, maybe he can hack me a Guidance Counsellor of the Year award! Say, he might even offer to straighten my tie, and come round my place for a hot cup of god damn tea!"

"Wait a minute", Victoria stopped. "I did hear that Wendy Testaburger was in charge of the recent school picture enhancement program. Maybe she knows something about it."

"You're saying she's behind all this? Her job is to make people look good, not fuckin' hideous, M'kay!" Snapped Mr Mackey.

At that moment, back in the classroom, the kids had realised how obsessed with physical perfection they had become.

"Wow, as funny as this was, I think we all learned something today", said Clyde.

"Yeah", added Bebe. She turned to Stan and Wendy.

"I know this was you. I mean, who else is that good at Photoshop? Wendy, we're sorry. You're a genius. Why, this is art".

"Huh? Really?" asked Wendy.

"Yeah", Token butted in. "I mean, Lisa may not be the prettiest petal of the bunch, but she sure isn't a bad person. Now look at Cartman, for example. He's a total douchebag. Always has been. Great example for your subject, he's been deserving this form of humiliation for too long. What you made here shows that sometimes, it doesn't matter how good or bad you look. The ugliness of a person's soul can be seen on the outside if you observe just that little closer. This picture really IS him, it's eye opening."

Kenny removed his hood. "I don't often do this", he began, "but I'd say you've totally brought us back to reality" he said. "What were we thinking? We don't need some image enhancement software to look better, we're fine the way we are."

Wendy smiled and nodded in agreement. "Thanks, Kenny".

"Then again," Kenny quickly continued with his wit, "Eric was the only one who did, his ass is way too fat".

Everyone laughed.

"C'mon, lets all go home and play video games and forget about all this bullcrap!" proclaimed Clyde.

The kids scrambled out of the room chattering loudly. "And not Facebook games, they suck!", he finished over the top of everyone's voices.

Outside the school, the kids all started walking home. Mr Mackey could still be heard arguing with Principal Victoria in her office.

"And I'm telling YOU, I don't want the CIA sniffing up my ass, M'kay!"

Stan and Wendy walked together, their hands in each other's pockets.

Kyle joyfully ran past. "I fucking love you guys, that was awesome!" He called, still stifling laughter.

Stan smiled back at him waved him off.

"Do you really think we had to do that?" asked Stan.

"Yeah, once and for all. It was really getting too out of hand, I mean, the media is a farce. No one would listen to anything intelligent that had to be said. Too many people now are sheep and just follow what all these glossy magazines tell them to follow", explained Wendy.

"You're right," replied Stan. "I guess you needed to go against the mainstream to prove your point. There was really nothing to be jelly of, as everyone said. Everyone's attitude towards you was plain immature".

"Yeah, I guess so." said Wendy. "Anyway, thank you for saving me yesterday. Me not being alive wouldn't have improved the situation."

"Anytime, Wen. You're the best girlfriend a guy could have" Stan replied.

Then she kissed him. Much to her surprise, he didn't throw up.

"Wow!" chirped a smiling Wendy. "You didn't vomit on me this time!"

"I guess we're getting closer than we were before." Stan commented.

He put his arm around her and they continued walking. Just then, a loud fart broke the silence.

"Oops, sorry Stan" said Wendy.

"Aw, dude!" moaned Stan in complaint.

THE END

POST CREDITS

It was after dark at South Park elementary. All the doors were locked for the night.

"You guys, Seriousleeeeeeh!" A voice emanated from inside.

"Gahd damnit, Kyle, if this was you, I'll kick you square in the nuts tomorrow!"

Crickets chirped. A wolf howled.

"Gah, this is lame." groaned Cartman's voice. He didn't like being trapped in the school after dark.

"Man, I must have been out for some time. I swear I'm gonna get that asshole for making that picture of me. I know it was him. Wait... What's this note doing on me? Hmmm... Don't fuck with Wendy Testaburg-gya, GOD DAMNIT!"


End file.
